so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have fence marks all over my body
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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