the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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