sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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