i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize