sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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