I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
