i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
