yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
