I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
