i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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