You just made me feel so damn special
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize