he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
