I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
