my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
