Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
