Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
