weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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