Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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