Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
