I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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