i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
as a side note pls kill me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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