you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
