in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
