god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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