His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You pole danced in your parka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
