i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
