Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
