omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
