I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
