aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
