I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my shit smells like andre
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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