is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
