I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
