I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
