i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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