he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
