If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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