K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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