why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
