I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
