hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
