it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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