Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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