I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Damn victory sex feels great
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
