Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
