On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
50% drunk capacity currently
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
