Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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