Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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