The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
