So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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