Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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