one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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