I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
