I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This baby is an asshole
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
