Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
