drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
