just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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