piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
