nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
