I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
