so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
