I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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