haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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