just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
