i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
