If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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