we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
