What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
