No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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