I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
