Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
